Tonight I went to a "Modern Orthodox" Synagogue to commemorate the third anniversary of my father's passing. The Hebrew term for this is "Yartzheit." I toiled with the idea of going to a place of worship, because quite honestly I don't buy it. I asked some of my closest friends what I should do, and the consensus was to go. I tried going to a synagogue that was not immersed in the community that I was raised in, but the weekday nightly prayers are scarce in Los Angeles.
I ended up going with my oldest sister and mother to the place I spent countless hours on Saturdays during my formative years. As a child, I had no say in the matter, the same way I ate when I was told, and not when I wanted to eat. As an adolescent, my "choices" were pushed, and I accepted it... and then I grew up. There was no quantifiable difference in me spiritually throughout the years, I merely became the person I wanted to be. Not a person who prays, not someone who observes Orthodox Judaism, I am a Jewish person, period. Label me how you want.
As I entered the sanctuary (they really need to change the name of this room) of Beth Jacob in Beverly Hills, I saw someone from my formative years who I did not care to see. I didn't run away, I faked a smile and said "Hi, it's so great to see you!" Those words that came out of my mouth in my head were actually "I have to see this fucking tool?" I walked in to see some familiar faces, none of which I was excited to see. I semi-cordially had a Lakers discussion with a 75 year-old accountant who I've seen age as he's seen me grow up - wonderful.
I sat in the back, zoning out all the bullshit that was being recited by the cantor. In between the afternoon prayer "Mincha" and the evening prayer "Ma'ariv" some guy from Yeshiva University, who is paid to study Talmud all day for the summer gave a speech about the concept of a Kohen -- the most sanctified tribe member, for lack of a better term -- killing someone and his repercussions. The answer to his remedial question is : who the hell cares? He rambled on for about five minutes aimlessly, and suddenly, out of nowhere someone in the audience abruptly cut him off and left the speaker humiliated and speechless. In Judaism, the action of embarrassing someone is compared to killing that person. The fact is, that no matter how terrible this speech was, it was 100% wrong of this low-life to cut off the speaker for no reason at all.
The thesis of the speech was completely out of context and relevance to anything today or even in the last 100 years. The irrelevance factor annoyed me, even pissed me off a little bit -- I was somewhere that I did not want to be hearing about bullshit that will NEVER apply to anyone in the audience. IF anyone ever kills someone, the justice system will run its course, for better or worse. The insensitivity of this person cutting off another idiot clearly didn't solve anything. It did not help ease my discomfort of being somewhere that I totally did not want to be, I should have been wearing one of those t shirts that say "I'd rather be skiing." As a person who chooses not to take part in these rituals, and paying my respect to my dead father by saying meaningless words on a specific day on the Jewish calendar, I was completely offended and mortified that this is what a Modern Orthodox synagogue was offering. I knew better growing up, I saw it coming, and I even saw some of the brainwashing that took place to some of my peers to become these black an white people who are obsessed with anything Judaism related. To me, it's the same as someone who gets into drugs, alcohol or any other addiction that makes people go crazy.
This is a synagogue that is not foreign to scandals. Please ask me about the scandals if you are so interested, I promise they are juicy. Disrespecting people by offending them publicly is wrong. I had to witness it, which completely devalued any attempt I had at getting any meaning from the service tonight. Thanks Beth Jacob.
I'm writing this blog to inform, not to get people to stop going or go elsewhere. There is just too much bullshit out there to worry about the bullshit religion that labels itself in ways that are just silly. I respect people, and listening to this bullshit that was then cut off rather maliciously, completely undermined my feelings of celebrating the beautiful but short life of my father who accepted me for who I am, the same way he accepted everyone else with all f their baggage.
I started this blog by saying that many people will be unhappy with what I have to say, synagogues don't have that disclaimer before you enter; maybe they should.
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